Dear Nick,

I miss you. I always will. You aren’t even gone yet, but I feel like I’ve been mourning for months now.

This is lame, I know, but I’m too burned out right now to write a proper letter. Instead, I’m copying part of a gchat I had this morning with Caitlin. (Remember Caitlin? She has that really sweet boxer who was so excited to meet you.)

Me: Nick and I were very important to each other. He helped me become a better person, to see that I am beautiful, to build my self confidence
and help me learn that I deserve to be happy
and I helped him, too
I'm trying to not focus on what could have been, that's too hard
I have to keep reminding myself that we served a purpose, and I will forever be grateful
but, to be honest, the thought of ever being that close to someone again, to find someone to have that connection with, well, I doubt it will ever happen
and I don't know if I want it to
Caitlin: you will find it
and you will feel Nick there, pushing you forward
me: I'm not even ready to think about that yet
even entertain the thought of it
:(
Caitlin: and that's fine
bc you can be complete with out a partner
but you will know it when the time comes
me: I know I can be complete... that's something that Nick helped me see about myself
Caitlin: but you don't even need to think about that right now
that is why he is so special

I’m going to bed now, dear Nick. I love you so much.

Love,
Holly